To Love Another
by StrangeReverie
Summary: Everything seemed so simple. So obvious. She knew what she wanted, what she had to do. But as the lies and secrets grew, the answer, she realized, was far from simple.  JxB, begins during New Moon. Rated M just to be safe.
1. Recovered

Hey everyone! This is my first Twilight saga fanfic. Please keep in mind that this story begins when Bella returns from Italy after saving Edward and goes from there. Let me know what you think!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the associated characters. All characters/settings/etc. are property of S. Meyer.

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Chapter 1: Recovered

Bella laid her head on her soft pillow, closing her eyes as she allowed her mind to replay her most recent adventure. She recalled flashes of red all around her as she sprinted past the robe-clad festival goers. She remembered how her body ached, every muscle, every breath, painful as she ran. She remembered holding him in her eyes, the bright rays of sun reflecting off of his beautiful skin. And she remembered crashing into him, the feel of holding him in her arms again…the feel of his touch.

"Bella?"

His gentle voice shook her out of her reverie as she looked up at him with her chocolate brown eyes. To see him again felt like a gift, to have him here next to her was a divine reward…a reward for what, she did not know. She never felt like she deserved him, never quite felt like she was good enough.

"What's wrong? You look worried…"

Once again she was shaken from her thoughts by his voice.

"No, no I'm okay. Sorry…I'm just…just tired I guess." She offered, hoping he hadn't been able to read her eyes and see the more troubled thoughts that swam through her mind.

"You should get some sleep. You've been halfway around the world and back in three days, I'd be worried if you _weren't_ tired."

He gave her a small, crooked smile as he placed a cool hand on her cheek, looking into her eyes. She offered a small smile in return and nodded her head, pulling the blanket over herself as Edward settled next to her on the bed. She fidgeted with the hem of the blanket, turning her eyes up at him.

"Please don't go. Don't leave me again." She whispered, her voice barely audible, but she knew he'd be able to hear it.

"Bella," he sighed, tucking a stray hair behind her ear, "I won't leave you unless you ask it of me. I promise. Now get some rest." He smiled at her, that smile she loved and had missed so much, and she closed her eyes and let sleep consume her.

* * *

Bella's weary eyes were pried open by the lazy streaks of sun that reached into her bedroom. She turned her head and saw Edward still perched on the edge of her bed staring out the window, obviously deep in thought as he hadn't noticed she was awake. She gazed up at him, a delicate smile gracing her features as she took in his handsome face. Her smile faltered. Something didn't feel right. She couldn't really put her finger on it, it was a subtle, buried feeling but she didn't understand it. She hadn't felt it when she had looked up at Edward last night. It was a new feeling…and she didn't like it. She narrowed her eyes in confusion, trying to identify the feeling.

"Good morning," Edward greeted her after finally noticing she was awake.

"Morning" Bella replied, quickly wiping the confused look off her face as she offered Edward a smile and curled up against him. She really hoped he didn't notice the confused, panicked look on her face, but her hopes fell at his next words.

"Is everything okay? You looked a little troubled. Bad dreams?" He smiled at her, running a cold hand through her hair.

A dream! That was it! His words had brought to life the dream she had had that night…a dream of Jacob Black.

"Something like that…" She finally replied to him, hoping he wouldn't press the issue.

She closed her eyes, remembering Jacob's face from her dream. He had looked so sad, forgotten. And she knew why. She had left him here, after everything he had done for her. She abandoned him while he was begging her to stay. How could she not dream of him after hurting him like that? She shut her eyes tighter, hoping the image of his face would fade from her mind. It didn't.

"Bella…are you sure you're alright?" Edward asked, sitting her up and fixing her with a worried gaze.

"I'm okay. Sorry, I guess I'm just trying to get used to everything again. A lot has happened in the past few days." She said, looking back at him.

"Of course. I'm sorry to keep asking." He apologized, taking her small hand in his and placing a chaste kiss on top of it.

"I-it's okay. Don't worry about it."

She stood up, stretched and grabbed some clean clothes from her drawer, informing Edward that was going to shower quickly. When he nodded and turned to look back out the window, Bella quickly grabbed her phone from her desk and exited the room.

She made her way to the bathroom, hoping Charlie didn't come upstairs. Things had been difficult between them since she had returned from Italy. Of course she was grounded, but she also knew it had upset him more then he let on. She let out a small sigh and stepped into the bathroom, locking the door.

She started the water and set down her clothes, keeping her phone in hand. She looked down at it, contemplating the likelihood that he would even respond if she tried to contact him. She heaved another sigh and sent him a quick text: **Jake I'm sry. can we talk? I really need to talk to u. Plz…**

She stared at the screen as the message sent, then she undressed and stepped under the hot water, letting it wash away her fear, anger, sadness from the past few days…but not that feeling. She couldn't get rid of that weird feeling and it scared her even more.

* * *

Bella sat in her room, her homework sprawled out in front of her on her desk, untouched. She rubbed her eyes, opening them again and fixating on her phone. She picked it up. No new messages. Her heart sank.

It had been almost three weeks since the fiasco in Italy and Jake had still not replied to any of her calls or texts. Every time her phone would ring or flash, her heart would jump to her throat. And every time it would just be Alice, or her mom, or Edward, and her heart would sink. Not that she didn't appreciate talking to them, but right now she just wanted to know that Jake didn't still hate her. Although his not talking to her hurt her so much, she could bet it was only a small amount compared to the hurt he was dealing with.

"I guess I deserve it…" She mumbled, setting her phone down on her desk and letting out a heavy sigh.

"Deserve what?"

Bella jumped, spinning around quickly, her heart racing as she saw Edward standing behind her.

"You scared me!" Bella panted, her heart still racing as she got up to greet him.

He took her in his arms and pressed her tightly against himself, nuzzling his face in the crook of her neck and placing a soft kiss there. "Sorry." He whispered.

Bella let out a sigh and pulled away from him, heading back to her desk where she sat down again.

"So…what do you deserve?" He questioned, walking over to her and placing a small kiss on the top of her head.

"Oh, um…" her mind reeled, trying to come up with something to explain away her Jake-related feelings, "Uh…just that I didn't do my homework...and now I have so much of it that I'm not going to be able to do anything fun all day. But I was saying I guess that's what I deserve for putting it off so long…"

She knew the story was less than impressive, but she had never been a good liar. She heard him chuckle quietly above her as he shook his head at her.

Bella smiled, turning her eyes up at him as he spoke.

"Well, I'll be by your side to keep you company."

Her smile widened at his kind words and she laid her head back to rest against him as he stood behind her, bending over to kiss her on her forehead.

She let out a sigh and opened her English book, moving her phone where she could see it easily, her eyes always watching for the little flashing light that told her she had a message. And when it never came, _that_ feeling reared its ugly head.

* * *

Nearly four hours and many assignments later Bella closed her math book with a snap and rubbed her eyes.

"Feels good to be done, right?" Edward mused, smiling that crooked smile at her as he gently massaged her shoulders.

"You could say that." She said, relaxing as his hands eased her tension, "Are you still going to hunt tonight?" She asked casually, her secret agenda hidden well.

"If it's alright with you."

"Of course it is. You should take your time, you haven't hunted in awhile." She pushed, still trying to sound as casual as possible.

Edward nodded at her and smiled as she stood up, hugging him and resting her head on his chest.

"If you don't mind, I think I'll go now. I know Emmett wanted to come along as well, so I should go and meet him back at the house."

"Yeah, go for it. Take your time." She said again, hoping he hadn't noticed the edge to her voice.

"I love you, Bella." He said quietly, pulling her away from his chest and placing a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I love you, too."

He kissed her cheek and turned to leave, sliding the window open while glancing back at her before disappearing into the dusk.

She stood there a few moments before walking over to the window and closing it, looking out across the lawn. He was gone.

She hurried over to her dresser, forsaking her sweatpants and tank top for a pair of jeans and a warm hoodie. She sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she grabbed her phone off her desk, sticking it in her pocket as she made her way out of her room and down the stairs.

"Uh uh, where do you think you're going, Bells?"

She froze, her dad was sitting on the couch, a beer in his hand as he turned his head reluctantly from the football game on TV to face her.

"I was just-"

"Remember that deal we made? You're only ungrounded if you go see your other friends. You don't need to be going to see him now anyway…it's a little late." Charlie stated, clearly under the impression that Bella was going to see Edward, who had, in fact, just left her room.

"I was actually going to see Jake, dad." Bella said in a defeated tone. Charlie knew that Jake wasn't talking to her and although it embarrassed her a little, she was grateful now that it gave her an excuse to get out and go see him. "I just…he still hasn't talked to me, I was going to go try to talk to him in person." She explained.

"Oh. Well…be careful, and good luck." He said, raising his beer toward her in a 'cheers' sort of fashion.

"Thanks, I'm sure I'll need it." She said, smiling something that she felt looked more like a grimace as she slipped on her shoes and headed out the door.

Bella watched the dark road carefully as her truck traveled the familiar roads that lead her to the Quileute reservation. She had been careful this whole time so as to keep her agenda hidden not only from Edward, but also from Alice's prying mind. Bella knew that if she had let it slip in her mind that she was going to see Jake, Alice would see it immediately and inform Edward, who would be less than happy. She had never really tried to evade Alice's "inner eye", and she wasn't sure her methods worked, but she hadn't received and angry call from Edward yet, so that offered a small amount of reassurance.

Bella tightened her grip on the steering wheel as she turned into the gravel driveway in front of Jake's house. She didn't even know if he was home, but she didn't care. She would wait there all night if she had to, if it meant that she got to explain herself to him.

She hopped out of her truck, walking quickly over to the small house and knocked on the door. Billy opened the door minimally until he saw who it was, but even then, he only opened it a little more.

_Obviously Billy knows that Jake and I aren't on the best terms…_ she thought to herself, looking at the ground, slightly humiliated for being the cause of his son's pain.

"Hey Billy, is um…is Jake here?" She spoke the request in a meek voice, raising her eyes to meet his. They were cold.

"No. He's not here, Bella." His voice was as cold as his eyes.

Bella cleared her throat, adding a little more power to her words this time, "Do you know where he is? I really need to talk to him." After all, it really wasn't Billy's business as to what was going on between her and Jake.

"I don't know. I'll let him know you stopped by." And with a curt nod, he closed the door, leaving her standing outside with her mouth slightly open. Billy had never been that cold toward her, and she knew it was because of what she did to Jake. She really needed to see him, to fix things between them. She needed her friend back.

Almost as if on cue, she heard boisterous laughter coming from the woods near the house. She turned her head around quickly, squinting into the darkening dusk to see three shapes emerging from the woods. Her breath hitched in her throat and she stood completely still, staring at him as he approached the house, still unaware of her presence. She heard him laughing, talking with who she now made out to be Quil and Embry, and the sound of his voice made her exhale the breath she wasn't even aware she was holding in. She swallowed, turning to face them as they continued walking toward her.

"Hey Jake," Quil began, "is that…Bella?" He asked, squinting at her and pointing.

Jake froze and squinted into the impending darkness, seeing her silhouetted against their house. He stopped in his tracks.

Bella bit her lip nervously as she saw him stop.

"You should talk to her, man." Embry piped up, giving Jake a small shove toward the house, "Maybe then we can all catch a break from your annoying thoughts!" He joked, shoving him toward the house again. Jake glared at him, but began walking again, faster, toward the house. Quil and Embry fell back, maintaining a distance from Jake.

Bella watched as he closed the distance between them…she bit her lip harder, willing herself to stay calm and breathe.

"What are you doing here?" The venom in his voice was profound and his tone sent a chill down Bella's spine.

"Jake…" It was so stupid, but that's all she could get out. She had been rehearsing what she would say to him for three weeks, and now she had her chance and all she could say was his name.

"What do you want, Bella?" He spat, clearly not satisfied with her previous response.

Bella shook her head slightly, taking in a breath as she composed herself, raising her eyes to meet his glare. "We need to talk…I-I want to talk to you. I've been texting you and calling you for weeks and you never respond. You need to hear me out." She explained, the words rushing from her mouth as she kept her eyes on his.

"I don't _need_ to do anything for you, Bella. I did that once already, and look where it got me." He spoke it quietly, his words laced with anger and pain.

"Please just let me explain, Jake. Please." She was practically begging, as much as she hated to admit it. But this was what she had been wanting the past three weeks, so she wouldn't give up now.

He stared her down, his jaw clenched as he formed his hands into tight fists. She could see how much he was fighting with himself, how his heart told him to talk to her and his brain told him to run and never look at her again. She hoped his heart won. As the silence stretched on, she felt her stomach churn, her muscles were tense from anxiety, and as she watched him, _that_ feeling crept up out of nowhere, stronger than ever.

She closed her eyes. He wasn't going to do it. He wasn't going to let her explain, try to fix things. But how could she blame him? She squeezed her eyes shut tighter, willing that stupid feeling to go away…all feeling for that matter. She nodded her head once, as an affirmation that she understood he did not want to talk to her. She opened her eyes and turned to walk away when she felt a warm hand around her wrist. She looked down at his hand in surprise, then moved her eyes up to his face as his expression softened slightly and he spoke.

"I never said to leave."

* * *

Okay, that's the first chapter. Sorry, not tons of romance/action stuff, but we'll get there. Anyway, the next chapter should be up relatively soon. Please review, let me know what you're thinking!


	2. Waves

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the associated characters. All characters/settings/etc. are property of S. Meyer.

Thank you for the kind reviews last chapter! I was very happy Anyway, here's chapter two! Enjoy!

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Chapter 2: Waves

Bella stared at him, her eyes wide, her mouth hung open slightly as she stared into his black eyes in confusion.

"You…You want me to stay?" She questioned, the disbelief evident in her voice as she turned her body toward him, her delicate wrist still enveloped in his strong hand.

"Well, you do owe me an explanation." He said shortly, not taking his eyes off of hers.

Bella nodded, looking down as she pulled her wrist out of his grasp – the lengthy contact made her nervous. She saw Jake smile at her discomfort out of the corner of her eye as she looked back up at him, giving him a small glare before beginning to walk toward the shore. Jake took that as his cue to follow, the two remaining silent as they made their way toward the dark water…Bella lost in thought and Jake watching Bella as he walked ahead of her.

After some time, they came to a large piece of gnarled driftwood lying on the shore. Deciding that this is a good a spot as any, Bella perched herself carefully on the driftwood, making sure to leave enough space for Jake to sit down next to her. He didn't hesitate in taking a seat, and the two of them stared out across the dancing water, the moon reflecting off the choppy waves like so many diamonds in a sea of black.

"So…now that _he's_ back, I guess I won't be seeing much of you anymore, huh?" Jacob said, his eyes never leaving the water.

Bella could hear his emotions in his words and it made her feel even worse. But she turned to look at him anyway, her resolve strengthening as she took in his moon-lit features. She wouldn't lose her friend.

"That's not true, Jake. Just because Edward is back doesn't mean I'm going to just forget about you. I'm here now, aren't I?" She pushed, still gazing at him and willing him to look at her. To see that she was serious, that she didn't want to lose him.

"Yeah, well, we'll see how long it lasts. I bet you didn't even tell him you were coming, did you?" He finally turned to look at her, his dark eyes pinned on her, daring her to lie.

"Look, that's not the point, Jake. I came here to try to fix things with you and if you're going to keep making things difficult then I'm going to just assume that you don't want to fix things." She avoided the question, of course he was right, she hadn't told Edward, but that was really none of his business.

There was a short silence, in which only the sounds of the waves could be heard. That sound soothed her, calmed her, and somehow made her feel like everything was going to be alright.

"He's always getting in the way. Just when I thought I had a chance, he took it away. Took you away."

His words pierced her heart like a knife. He was right…she knew it wasn't just her running off to Italy that hurt him, it was the fact that her bringing Edward back meant that Jake had no chance with her.

"I still want to be friends. Please. You were there for me when I had no one else and that means the world to me, Jake. It kills me that I left you like that, but I didn't have a choice." Bella explained, frantic that this wouldn't be enough. That he would still be too hurt to take her back.

"You always have a choice." He shot back at her, but the anger was mostly gone from his voice and was replaced by a sort of desperation. She preferred the anger.

"Well, I'm making a choice now. I want to fix things, to apologize and I want things to go back to the way they were. That's my choice, Jake." She spoke with determination and passion, she wanted him to know she was completely serious.

"And what about your precious little blood-sucker? I'm sure he won't exactly agree with your _choice._" Bella winced at the derogatory term he used to refer to Edward, but overlooked it for now.

"He'll just have to deal with it. He'll understand." She offered.

Jake let out a heavy sigh, his head hanging slightly as he considered Bella's words. There was a silence again, but Bella didn't mind this time. She knew he was going to give her a chance, she could just feel it. She chanced a glance at him and saw him deep in thought. She had always appreciated his appearance as well as his friendship, and even more so now as the gentle rays of the moon accentuated his features. His tan skin looked pale under the light, but the shadows of the moon made his muscular frame even more pronounced. His black hair brought out his dark eyes, and the smooth but masculine curve of his face made her heart stop. She inhaled slightly, surprised by her own affectionate thoughts toward him, grateful for the darkness that hid her deep blush.

Jake looked toward her and Bella looked away quickly, hiding her embarrassment. But she snapped her head back to him quickly when she heard him get up, moving to stand in front of her.

"Jake…what's-" But before Bella could even finish her question, she was pulled into a tight embrace. She felt his strong arms encircle her waist, pulling her closer to him as if he were afraid she would slip through his arms. Bella swallowed, surprised by this abrupt change of mood, but she wrapped her own arms around him, closing her eyes slightly and allowing his warmth to consume her.

* * *

Bella sped down the dark road that would be the fastest route back to her house, she prayed that she would make it back before Edward had returned from hunting, but she knew that this was a wish that had grown out of desperation. She did not want to have to explain to Edward where she had been, though the smell of wolf that was most likely emanating from her would be explanation enough. As she pulled into her driveway, she saw the silver car that she immediately knew to be Edward's. She sighed as she saw him get out, wondering to herself how long he had been sitting there waiting for her.

"Where were you? I've been worried…" He began, his sentence trailing off as she closed the door to her truck and he smelled Jacob on her, "What were you doing at the reservation?" His words were disbelieving, like he hoped he might be mistaken.

"I went to see Jake." She stated simply. She knew she had worried Edward, but he had to understand that Jake was her friend and she had certain obligations to him as well.

"Why didn't you tell me you were going, Bella? What if something had happened?" He pressed, maintaining his composure with her as he usually did. He never seemed to get angry with her no matter what.

"I had to talk to him, Edward. I just wanted to fix things between us." She looked up at him, and added for good measure, "I really hurt him when I left. And things are okay now, so you're going to have to understand that he's my friend, and I want to see him."

She saw Edward relax slightly as he shook his head, nodding his understanding, and gestured for them to head inside. She took his hand and led the way, intertwining their fingers to show her appreciation for his understanding. And as he grasped her hand tighter, his cold skin felt so much different on hers than the warm hands that had held her earlier…Jacob's hands. This thought brought _that_ feeling back, the feeling that had been completely absent while she with _him_, with Jake.

* * *

As much as Edward didn't like it, Bella had insisted on spending more time with Jake, intent on keeping her promise that she wouldn't abandon him again. And she had kept her promise so far, much to Edward's dismay. Every time she would tell Edward that she was going to see Jake, she could see his lips tighten, but he loved her so much that he tried his hardest to understand that Bella needed Jake's friendship just like Edward needed her love.

"Bells!"

Bella's head snapped up when she heard his voice. She hadn't realized that she was falling so far behind, and she watched as Jake approached her, stepping over the tangled vines and weeds that littered the forest floor.

"You all right? Wait…you didn't trip and fall again, did you?" He raised his eyebrow at her, a small smile playing at his lips as he looked her up and down searching for signs of dirt or injury.

"No, I'm fine. And I didn't fall again!" She replied playfully, narrowing her eyes at him as she continued their hike, leaving him chuckling behind her.

"Aw, c'mon Bells, I was joking!" He retorted, chasing after her. She let out a small yelp as he pursued her, dodging between trees and jumping over obstacles on the forest floor. She was no match for his speed and agility, and he reached her, wrapping his arms around her from behind and laughing. She could feel his laughter vibrate against her back as he leaned his head down onto her shoulder, "Gotcha." He laughed mischievously, giving her a quick squeeze before letting her go.

"Jacob Black! You know that's completely unfair." Bella stated, turning around quickly to face him, crossing her arms and glaring up into his dark eyes despite the smile that was tugging at her full lips.

"I'm sure you can handle it." He countered, giving her a quick wink and taking her hand as he led her quickly through the forest.

She got lost in her thoughts as she let Jake lead her, staring at their linked hands while he guided her along. She had gotten used to him holding her hand and had taken it as merely a sign of their friendship. Although she was more than aware of his deeper feelings for her (thanks to his attempted kiss in her kitchen before she left for Italy), she had convinced herself that these small touches and intimate laughs were just a sign of their strong friendship. But for some reason, she still kept their closeness from Edward…she felt almost secretive, protective, of these warm moments between her and Jake, but she didn't fully understand why. Every time she talked to Edward about Jake, _that_ feeling would push to the surface and the details of their time together that she chose to divulge to Edward would become limited. Thankfully, Edward trusted her and often did not push for more details than she was willing to offer.

"Well, here we are!" Jake announced, dropping her hand and spreading his arms wide, a gesture that appreciated the greatness of the view before her.

"Wow, Jake. It's really pretty!" Bella exclaimed, admiring the breathtaking view before her. Jake had led her to what he referred to as "his spot", the place he always came when he wanted to be alone, to think, or to just relax. And Bella could see why. They were on the top of what looked like a large, steep cliff, the ivy and vines dangling down over the edge, tickling the rocky side of the cliff with their bright green leaves. A river flowed far below at the base of the cliff, its crystal waters singing a distant hymn as they flowed over the rocks. The flowering meadows pushed against the river's edge, offering an array of colorful flowers that covered the ground, swaying with the gentle breeze. Further in the distance stood the large mountains, jetting into the sky, their majestic silhouettes a stark contrast against the monotonous gray clouds, some of which kissed the very peaks of the mountains giving them an almost mysterious feel.

"I thought you'd like it. Figured it wouldn't be a bad place for a little lunch either." He gave her a sneaky smile as he began unpacking some sandwiches, fruit, and water bottles from the backpack he'd been carrying.

Bella smiled, "I was wondering what you had in there," she said, walking over and taking a seat on a low rock next to Jake, "and I can't say I'm disappointed." she continued, noting the quiet grumble her stomach made as she eyed the food.

"Help yourself! Emily made the sandwiches, so naturally she packed like ten." He laughed, grateful that Emily understood how hungry all the boys in the wolf pack get.

"Well I'll be sure to thank her for – hey! Leave me at least _half_ a sandwich!" She laughed as well as she watched Jake consume his third sandwich, giving him a playful smack on the back of the head.

After much amiable conversation and many laughs, Bella felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She knew it was Edward without even looking. He was probably worried about her, although she _had_ been gone for a few hours she just wished that he would trust Jacob to keep her safe. She sighed quietly, knowing that that would probably never happen…a mutual trust between them was almost laughable.

"We should get going, I'm sure Edward is starting to worry…" she spoke quietly, almost as if the volume of her voice had a direct effect on the degree of disappointment that she saw pass over Jake's eyes. He simply nodded, placing their empty bottles and containers back into his bag and standing up. Bella stood too, avoiding his eyes and turning once more to the beautiful scenery. The coming dusk sent deep shadows and rich colors across the meadow and stream, painting the mountains in an almost ethereal color. It was even more stunning than before.

"Jake…" she didn't need to turn around to know that he'd be listening to her, "can we come back here?" She turned now, her hands in her pockets as she stared intently at him. She was glad she had decided to look, because in that moment she saw the coldness leave his eyes, his mouth turning up into a crooked smile.

"Of course, Bells. Whenever you want." He smiled, walking back over to her and pulling her hand out of her pocket, placing it in his. His warmth juxtaposed against the cool of the air sent shivers of pleasure up her spine and she held his hand tighter as they slowly made their way back down the cliff.

* * *

Bella drove home slowly as it had began to rain, and as she kept her eyes on the road she willed her mind to stay blank, but it didn't seem to want to abide by that. Instead, her mind jumped from one thing to the next, forcing her to confront the conversation that she had had with Jake as they hiked back down the mountain. She replayed the scene in her head over and over, trying to figure out what about that particular conversation had made her so uneasy.

"_Bells, is, uh, is Edward your first boyfriend?" Jake had asked. She could sense the hesitation in his voice, the awkwardness he felt at asking such a question. Afraid of where this was leading, Bella answered simply._

"_Yes." and to her dismay, Jake followed with another question._

"_How can you be so sure that he's the one then? I mean, you haven't even figured out what you like in a guy yet." He continued to lead her through the forest which was getting darker by the minute, the dark trees standing like eerie statues in the night._

_Bella sighed before answering, "I don't know, Jake. You can't really explain feelings like that." She really hoped he wouldn't keep pushing her, she didn't want to end such a great day with Jake questioning her love life._

"_You don't know? Yet you're willing to give up everything for him?" He countered, stopping abruptly to turn and look at Bella, her hand still held in his. She could feel his grip tighten with his question._

"_We've already been over this. It's my choice, not yours." Bella shot back, her eyes narrowing at him. She had half expected this conversation to come up after he found out that she was planning on having Edward change her, but she had hoped that it would come much later._

_Jake shook his head, clenching his jaw as his black eyes flashed in the dim light._

"_You're giving up too much for him. You shouldn't have to sacrifice your family, and friends, and your _life_ just to be with someone. It's messed up, Bella." _

_She cringed inwardly when she noticed he called her Bella instead of Bells, as he usually did. She didn't break their eye contact, she wouldn't. But she didn't know what he expected her to say, and what could she say, really? She knew he was only saying these things because he cared about her, but it was really not his concern._

"_Just…I want to go home, Jake." _

"_Fine." _

_He dropped her hand and resumed walking, his pace faster and more determined than it had been before. She knew she had hurt him…again…but there was really no way that conversation could have gone that would have ended in him not being hurt. She bit her bottom lip but followed his furious pace, torn between anger and sadness and…confusion._

It was the feeling of confusion that had Bella so distraught. She had never been confused about that issue, she had always been so sure that having Edward change her was the right thing to do, the thing that _she_ wanted to do. She had known from the beginning that it meant many sacrifices on her part, but they were sacrifices that she was willing to make in order to be with Edward. But in those dark woods, as Jake had questioned her, she felt her resolve falter, felt her heart skip a beat and her breath quicken just slightly, just enough to tell her that something wasn't right, something had changed.

* * *

Bella climbed the stairs up to her room, her mind still reeling as she ran a hand through her hair and opened her bedroom door. She jumped slightly when she saw Edward standing there, but slipped into her room and closed the door quickly, hoping Charlie was asleep already.

"Hey" she said, shrugging off her hoodie and walking over to him. He took her into his arms for a moment, placing a firm kiss on the top of her head before releasing her.

"Is everything okay?" He asked, noting her tense posture.

"Yeah, I just had-" but she stopped, realizing that if she told him she had gotten into a fight with Jake it meant having to explain the fight and him ending up angry that Jake upset her. She changed her story, "I just have a headache…"

"You should get some sleep." He suggested, smoothing down her hair as he smiled at her. She didn't protest as he led her over to her bed, laying her down gently and covering her. He placed a chaste kiss on her forehead and then her lips as she closed her eyes, slipping into sleep.

* * *

She sat bolt upright, gasping for air, her face shone with perspiration as she looked around her room frantically. The dream had been so vivid, so real that she thought for sure she would see a body lying on her bedroom floor. She shivered as her mind unwillingly replayed the dream: Jacob and Edward had been standing there, silently. She walked over to Edward, taking his hand as he led her through a door. The first room held a mirror, she glanced at it as they walked, understanding that the person who was staring back at her from the mirror was indeed herself, but she was unrecognizable, she was…different. They approached the second door, Edward pausing in front of it, his face expressionless, his eyes cold. She waited for him, but he did not open the door, so she turned the knob herself, and stepped into the room. Her mother, Charlie, Angela, Emily, Mike, they were all lying on the floor. Motionless. Bella knew they were dead, knew that it was her who had been the one to slaughter them…all of the people she loved. She continued walking through the room when she froze. Jake lay on the floor, his dark eyes lifeless, the light gone from him.

Bella shook her head, urging the remaining images from her dream to vanish, but two remained: Edward's cold face and Jake's lifeless eyes. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't erase those images. She exhaled, taking in a deep breath and calming herself down. She noticed that Edward was gone, which was probably the best as she certainly didn't feel like having to discuss that dream. She sat there for one more minute before grabbing her phone from her bedside table and checking the time, 7:03. She might as well get up anyway and get ready for school, which would provide a welcome distraction from the fading images that still flitted through her mind.

* * *

Bella had spent the majority of her day thinking about the dream, trying to understand it. And by the end of the day, she did…and she almost wished that she had never figured it out. It was really quite obvious and was a clear reflection of her confusion caused by the conversation she had with Jake. In her dream, she followed Edward, she _changed_, and she killed. She quite literally had sacrificed her family and friends in order to be with Edward and the parallel that this dream drew to her impending reality caused fear to well up inside of her.

She walked slowly to her truck in the school parking lot, ignoring the occasional greetings from acquaintances as she passed them by. She was too preoccupied to be concerned with formalities right now.

She reached her truck and climbed in, closing and locking the door as if that would protect her from her own thoughts. Edward wasn't here today, as it was sunny, a rare occurrence in Forks, so he opted out of school, as did the other Cullens. Right now, she was grateful for his absence, which was also a rare occurrence, but she knew that he would just worry about her if he saw her so lost in her own thoughts…thoughts about him, what he was, and what she would become.

Her breath stuck in her throat and she rested her forehead in her hands. She knew Edward was the one she should go to right now, but she also knew that she didn't want him to think she was backing out, that she didn't want him anymore because of some stupid dream. She fished her phone out of her backpack, quickly locating the number she needed and hitting 'Talk', she brought the phone up to her ear, inhaling a shaky breath as she heard him speak.

"Hello?"

"Jake! It's Bella. Look, I know you're mad at me but I really need someone to talk to. Can I…can we hang out?" She tried to sound at least somewhat casual as she didn't want to freak him out, but he sensed the discontent in her voice and paused for a moment before speaking.

"Come on over."

* * *

Alright, there's the second chapter. Things should start moving a little faster from here, so you can look forward to that! ;) The next chapter should be up sometime soon. Thanks for reading and, as usual, let me know what you think!


	3. Sun

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the associated characters. All characters/settings/etc. are property of S. Meyer.

Here's the third chapter! Please let me know what you think, if you like where the story's going, if you don't like it, etc etc. Thaaaaaanks.

* * *

Chapter 3: Sun

Bella drove quickly, her mind racing as she considered the implications of what she was doing. She knew that if Edward found out she was going to Jake before coming to him, he would be more than upset. And she had made no effort to hide her actions from Alice, whom had most likely already informed Edward of Bella's decision. At this thought, Bella pushed a little harder on the accelerator as she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She ignored it, knowing who it was and knowing that she would pay for it later.

As she turned into Jake's makeshift driveway she saw him standing out front, his arms crossed over his bare chest as he leaned against the fence. She tried to read his face, his emotions, but she saw nothing there as she put her car in park and took a deep breath.

"Hey…" she started awkwardly, knowing she had left him hurt last time and feeling slightly undeserving of his generous friendship. When he didn't respond she took it upon herself to carry on the conversation, "Look, I'm sorry about last time. I know-"

"It's fine, Bells. What's wrong?" He had interrupted her, but she heard no anger in his voice so she nodded her head slightly, silently thanking him for accepting her unspoken apology.

"This is going to sound really stupid…"

"Try me." He stated simply, pushing himself off the fence and walking over toward her, his onyx eyes watching her as she looked up at him.

"It's just…I had this dream. I mean, I know it sounds dumb that a dream would bother me so much but…" she hesitated. She didn't know whether or not she should tell Jacob what she thought the dream meant because she was sure he'd swell with pride, telling her how he'd been right all along. But something told her that it would be okay to tell him, something told her that he would understand…_that_ feeling told her.

"But…?" Jake pressed, waiting for her to finish her sentence.

"But it was so real…" she finished. But the next words shot out of her mouth before she could even register what she was thinking, "I saw your face, Jake. I had killed you, everyone, my mom and dad, Angela, all of them. And…and I was different, I saw myself and I was different and I didn't even react. I didn't react to...to anything. I was frozen, Jake. I followed Edward, I took his hand instead of yours and I saw my choice. I lost them all, my family, friends…you. I just…it scared me. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted, but…but I don't know anymore. I love Edward, but I can't give those things up, everything. I don't know what I'm supposed to do, Jake. I don't want to give everyone up, I can't. I just…I can't." Her lip quivered as her final words escaped her lips in a whisper. She let a single tear fall, carrying with it all of her frustration, anger, confusion. Everything. And before that single tear, so heavy with emotions, could hit the ground, Jake had gathered her into his strong arms, pulling her closer than he ever had before.

Bella couldn't hold her tears in anymore as she let out a small whimper, wrapping her arms around him, feeling his warm skin against her face as she rested her cheek on his chest. She was safe in his embrace, nothing could get her. Not even her own insecurities. It was as if everything had vanished and the only thing that was real was her, Jake, and the ground they stood on. Jake began to rub small circles on her back with one hand while holding her to him with his other, tightly, as if letting her go meant losing her and everything she had just confessed to him. They stood like that for awhile, until her trail of tears stopped and her eyes closed as she listened to the sound of his heart, beating a rhythm that was so easy for her to follow.

"Bells…" he said softly, shifting his hands to her upper arms and holding her back slightly, looking into her eyes, "do you wanna come to Emily's place? We're having a bonfire, dinner, all that good stuff."

She couldn't help the small smile that crept onto her lips as she stared up at him. He always knew how to cheer her up, no matter what the situation. And this was no exception. It was almost as if he knew that she didn't want to talk about it anymore, that she didn't want to deal with the thoughts and decisions that still weighed heavily on her mind. She nodded her consent and he smiled at her, taking her into a hug again, this time playfully lifting her slightly off the ground before placing her back down again and releasing her, running inside to get a shirt. She stood there fidgeting with her hair, wishing she was back in Jake's arms again, while also wishing that she had the strength to banish that sneaky and overwhelming thought from her mind.

* * *

Bella stared at the fire, watching the flames dance, releasing sparkling embers into the cool air, their golden red color contrasting vividly against the black sky. She heard the firewood crackle, heard the ocean push and pull against the shore, heard the sound of laughter, but the only sound she seemed to be able to focus on was the sound of his voice. His voice calmed her, grounded her, kept her from becoming completely consumed by the worry that plagued her mind. She loved Edward. She really did. But would she really be able to give up seeing her family and friends…and Jake…just to be like him? The choice hadn't seemed so real until now. It had always seemed distant, far away, something she didn't have to deal with anytime soon, so it was easy for her to seem so sure. But as the time grew nearer, as she began to understand what that choice meant, her assuredness wavered and she became more reluctant to go through with it. But on the other hand, how could she not? She couldn't grow old with someone who was ageless, they could never live somewhere sunny and warm like Bella wanted, so in all honesty, it would be her aging that would eventually be the death of Edward. And she couldn't deal with that either. She had no idea what to do, and it terrified her.

"Yo Bella! You alright?" Quil's voice resounded in the quiet night, drown out only by the light conversation of the others around the fire.

"Y-yeah, I'm fine. Just a little tired I guess." Bella responded quickly, not wanting to draw attention to herself, but she saw Jake turn to look at her with concern evident in his eyes. She smiled at him, not wanting him to worry.

"Well we can't have you falling asleep now! We still have a movie to watch after this!" Quil exclaimed happily.

"You wanna go for a walk or something, Bells?" She heard Jake's voice ask from beside her, "Maybe it'll wake you up a little." He continued, so as not to make the group suspicious.

"Yeah, sure. A walk sounds good." She said, standing up and stretching slightly as she turned away from the fire, beginning to walk along the shore. Jake followed, informing the others that they'd be back soon.

"Oh, don't worry…you two take your time." She heard Embry's voice remark, knowing that he probably had a mischievous grin plastered on his face to accompany that insinuation. She just smiled and kept walking.

Jake caught up to her in no time and they walked along the shore in mutual silence, as neither felt the need to speak but only to enjoy the other's company. They had walked until the fire was out of sight when she felt Jake take her hand, weaving his fingers between hers and holding tightly. She loved his warmth and the fact that he always knew what she needed. Not to say Edward didn't, but with Jake it was easy, and they rarely wanted different things. She grimaced slightly at the thought of Edward, pulling her phone out of her pocket with her free hand: 7 missed calls, 9 new messages. She sighed.

"C'mon Bells, put that away." He said, glaring at her phone as if it had physically harmed him, "You don't need Edwierdo putting a guilt trip on you right now." He chuckled quietly at his self-created nickname for Edward as Bella rolled her eyes.

"Oh Jake, you're so creative!" She declared, the sarcasm dripping from her voice as she looked up at him, feigning adoration.

"I know, don't be jealous. If you're lucky, I might decide to let you in on some of the secrets behind my creativity…on one condition…"

She laughed, "And what exactly is that condition, Jacob?" she inquired playfully, unwinding their fingers and placing her hands on her hips.

"You stop worrying so much." his voice became more serious, more concerned, as he watched her carefully for her reaction.

"Yeah, easier said than done." she replied quietly, dropping her hands from her waist as she looked out over the ocean.

"Life shouldn't be this complicated, Bella. And the person you love shouldn't make you worry so much." he stated, his voice low as he stepped closer to her, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear slowly.

"It's…it's not really _his_ fault. I mean, it's my choice…I just don't know what to choose. I'm confused." she said, swallowing hard as she looked up at him.

She watched the emotions in his ebony eyes change from concern to something intense, deep. It was a subtle change, but she caught it, and it made her a little uncomfortable. She wanted to turn and keep walking, to pretend she hadn't seen that change, but some part of her kept her eyes locked on his as she watched the fire that danced behind his dark eyes.

"Let me make it easier for you…" It was a whisper, barely audible amongst the gentle crashing of the waves, but she heard it. She watched as his lips formed the words, as he brought his hand up to her face, slowly trailing it to the back of her neck, pulling her towards him gently, his eyes never leaving her own. His actions seemed to be in slow motion and she suddenly became aware of everything: her breath, the unevenness of the sand beneath her feet, the cool wind sliding over her skin, his warm hand on her neck, the delicate chill that traveled through her body.

"J-Jake…" Bella started, her voice shaking slightly against her will. She knew what was coming, but she didn't have the strength to stop it. At least, that's what she told herself, because admitting that she was curious about what was coming, that she maybe even _wanted _it, was something she couldn't deal with right now.

She watched as he slowly closed the distance between them, their eyes never breaking their intense gaze, connecting them at a level deeper than pure physical contact. But as he sealed the last few inches between them, she felt her eyes close and the breath stop in her throat, she felt her heartbeat quicken, she felt the blood rush to her face, painting a delicate blush across her cheeks as she felt his soft lips against hers. He put his hand on her lower back, pushing her against him and holding her there, his other hand moving slowly from her neck into her hair, his fingers entangling themselves in her wavy locks. They moved their lips together in a perfect rhythm, and at her lack of objection to his advances, she felt him become more intense, more passionate. She felt his hands grip her tighter as he brushed his tongue across her bottom lip, and, unable to deny him, she obeyed and parted her lips slightly. He slipped his tongue in her mouth, exploring, feeling, the excited desperation evident in every touch, every motion. The world seemed to stand still. Nothing else existed apart from them and the strange feeling of elation that coursed through her body.

He pulled back slowly, placing a gentle kiss on her lips and her forehead as he breathed in deeply, uneven, as if his own actions had taken his breath away as well as hers. He looked down at her, his eyes shone in the dark night like she had never seen before, like someone had lit a fire deep within him and she could see the flames flickering in the darkness. "Bells…" he whispered, his eyes searching her face, looking for some hint that she wasn't upset by his sudden advances. She let out a small breath in response, unable to do much more at that point. He placed a kiss on her cheek, and, moving her hair gently out of the way, he placed a kiss on her neck, hovering there for a moment, taking her in, before looking back at her. He placed his hand on her cheek, rubbing gently with his thumb as his eyes searched hers.

"Bells, are you okay?" his voice was laced with concern, but she could swear she detected a hint of euphoria hidden amongst the concern.

Everything and nothing was running through her head. It was almost as if she had too many thoughts to even deal with, so her mind had shut off, incapable of dealing with it all at once. She squeezed her eyes shut, taking a deep breath before opening them again.

"Bells, c'mon, you're kinda starting to scare me…" Jake said, moving his hands along her body until they rested on her upper arms, like he was bracing her for something.

And then she suddenly understood what he was bracing her for. Edward. The thought cut through her like a knife through her heart, the cold steel twisting in her flesh as she began to comprehend what she had just done. How could she do that to Edward? How could she do that to _Jake_? She cheated on her boyfriend while leading her best friend on. What had she done?

"Talk to me, Bells. What's wrong?" Jake was getting worried, and the anxiety in his voice shook Bella enough to look back up at him, her eyes wide as she continued to process what all this meant.

"Jake…I…I don't know what happened…I just…I don't know, I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop myself, Jake. What's…What's wrong with me?" she shook her head, grateful for the tight hold he had on her as she was certain she would collapse to the ground were it not for his strong grip.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Bella. Don't be so hard on yourself." Jake made it seem so easy, like nothing had just happened, like it had all been imagined.

"Don't be so hard on mys…Jake! What about Edward? I just cheated on my boyfriend!" She practically yelled at him, her eyes brimming with angry tears.

"It'll be our little secret, alright? You don't have to tell him." there was a slight pause before Jake continued, his next question spoken quietly yet firmly, as though he wanted the truth but was afraid of what it might be, "Do you regret it?"

Bella thought for a moment, the question catching her off guard as she sorted through her emotions, but among them was not regret. "No, I…I don't regret it. I just feel guilty…" she wasn't sure he'd understand, but she had been honest with him and she knew that's what he wanted. He nodded his head.

"Don't feel guilty, Bells. It's not a crime to have feelings for two different people, ya know. You don't need to feel guilty." he tried to reassure her, but she knew this was something that she had to figure out on her own, and as much as she hated it, she knew this was something Jake couldn't just talk her out of. She simply nodded her head in response, letting him know she heard him but that she didn't necessarily agree with what he had said.

"Bells, I know you're probably upset, but you said you don't regret it and _I _definitely don't regret it either, so I'm not going to apologize. I know saying that makes me sound like an ass, but-"

"Jake," Bella interrupted, her voice quiet, but Jake stopped the moment he heard her speak, "I don't _want_ you to apologize." She said softly, stepping forward and wrapping her arms around his neck. His warmth, his strength, his scent, his heartbeat, everything about him brought her comfort. But most of all his warmth and the soft beating of his heart…those were things she could never have with Edward…things that she _wanted_ to feel when she was in his arms. She scolded herself for the thought, and turned her attention back to Jake, who had instinctively wrapped his arms tightly around her waist. "I just need to figure things out…" she knew it was only a small amount of comfort, but she felt him relax slightly after she spoke, obviously relieved that she had not written him off completely. He pulled away from her slightly, though still holding her in his arms.

"So what do you say we join the others for that movie?" Jake asked, lightening the mood with his crooked smile and easy tone, removing his arms from around her waist and taking her hand in his. "I heard this movie's supposed to be pretty scary, so feel free to come sit in my lap if you get freaked out." He said, his playful eyes betraying his pseudo serious tone of voice.

"Yeah, don't count on it, buddy." Bella joked back, smiling as he hung his head dramatically in lighthearted disappointment. She squeezed his hand gently, letting out a small laugh, surprising herself at how quickly she had recovered. But that's how she was with Jake, everything seemed simple, effortless, and even her worst mood could be banished after only a short time in his company.

As they walked back slowly, hand in hand, Bella saw the distant light that was the fire grow larger as they approached. She saw from a distance Quil and Embry throwing random pieces of food at each other while Emily smiled at their childish behavior, curled under Sam's arm as he watched them with a more stern eye. The others ignored them, focusing instead on a conversation they were having. Bella smiled. She loved these people, they had always welcomed her, joked with her, treated her like she had been there her whole life. As she walked toward them, Jacob's hand still intertwined with her own, she felt a sense of contentment that seemed almost foreign to her. This feeling caused a small smile to blossom on her lips as she appreciated the moment. But she felt that smile fall from her lips as her phone vibrated in her pocket.

She removed it from her pocket, shutting it off and putting it away, knowing that there would be hell to pay as soon as she got home.

* * *

Oooookay, that's the third chapter. Pleeeease let me know what you think! I really appreciate any feedback. Anyway, the next chapter should be up relatively soon. Thanks for reading!


	4. Beginning

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the associated characters. All characters/settings/etc. are property of S. Meyer.

Thank you so very much for the wonderfully kind reviews, they make me so happy! Here's the fourth chapter…enjoy! : )

* * *

Chapter 4: Beginning

Bella couldn't help the small smile that crept across her lips as she navigated the dark roads home and recalled the events of that night. Jake had dropped her hand as soon as they had reached the campfire, but that didn't bother Bella, she could feel his resistance, his desire to keep holding onto her despite his actions. They had carried on the night as though nothing had happened, both joking and laughing easily with the others until they returned to Sam and Emily's house to watch the movie. Bella claimed a spot next to Jake on the worn out couch, exchanging a quick glance with him as she settled in. The heat that radiated from him was comforting and she relaxed into him slightly, subtly, to avoid the suspicions of the others in the room. As Emily entered the room, distributing bowls of popcorn to the waiting boys, she flicked off the lights and took a seat next to Sam, resting her head on his shoulder as she started the movie.

The darkness concealed Jake and Bella's frequent glances at each other and the smooth movement of Jake taking Bella's hand in his own, rubbing the back of her hand tenderly with his thumb. She blushed, feeling the more intimate intent behind the gesture. She was used to holding Jake's hand, but it had never felt quite like this before, like their intertwined fingers trapped their secret between them, holding it secure where only they would know of it. Bella's heart clenched at the thought of keeping such a secret from Edward, knowing that he was and always would be faithful to her. But she had banished that thought from her head, convincing herself that what had happened with Jake was a onetime thing, and although she didn't regret it, she knew she could prevent it from happening again. But their joined hands contradicted her own lie, mocking her, asserting that she wouldn't stop it if it happened again because she enjoyed it…it had felt right. It had appeased _that_ feeling, the feeling that had been scratching at the back of her mind for weeks, and as much as she didn't want to admit it, she knew what that meant.

As Bella continued to drive, her mind revisited Jake's farewell and her smile grew wider. After the movie ended, he had walked with her back to his house, not a far distance, but enough to allow them time to discuss the movie and share a few more laughs. As they approached her truck, Jake grabbed Bella by her arm, swinging her around to face him. He looked at her for a moment, his eyes dark and intense, fierce, almost daring her to try to leave without appeasing the desire that she had awoken within him. She opened her mouth to speak but her words were lost against his lips as they crashed against hers. He pushed her against the truck, wrapping his arms around her as he slid his tongue into her mouth. She was ready this time and she moved her tongue against his, the feeling was new, exciting, something she had never enjoyed before…Edward never kissed her like this…he couldn't. But this…this was what she had always wanted. She felt his passion, his strength, his desire, his care, she felt it all, passing between them as their bodies pressed together. He snaked his hand up the back of her shirt and let it rest on the small of her back, holding it there, reveling in the feeling of her skin against his. The warmth of his touch sent a shiver up her spine, and she knew he had felt it as he smiled lightly, never breaking the kiss. His hand traveled farther up her back as he pushed against her harder, deepening the kiss, before pulling away slowly, placing a small kiss on her lips before resting his forehead against hers. He licked his lips, her sweet taste still lingered there, making him want more, making him want to keep her there and never let her leave his arms. That's where she belonged…_his _Bella.

"Wow…" she felt stupid, but that was all she could say. She was still breathless and his subtle movements against her didn't help…his hand rubbing slowly, steadily up and down her back as his other hand caressed her face gently. He smiled at her and she felt herself smile back.

"Yeah, well, not only am I creative…I'm also an amazing kisser." He joked, finally removing his hand from under her shirt and taking her hand in his, placing a light kiss on top of it before maneuvering her out of the way and opening the truck door for her.

"I think I've figured out the secret to all your self-appointed success…" Bella mused, climbing into her truck.

"And what's that?" Jake asked, raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"Your cocky arrogance. I mean, that's gotta be it, right?" Bella insisted, smiling slightly as she teased him, ruffling his dark hair.

"Ah, sounds like you've got me figured out, Bells. You better keep my secret!" He threatened, crossing his arms playfully.

"And you better keep mine…" she replied, her voice quiet, reflecting the newfound worry that crept up from within her as she thought of the livid Edward that she was sure waited at her house. Jake didn't miss a beat, noticing immediately her change in demeanor as he took her hand.

"Bella, if he so much as raises his voice at you, you call me, got it? I'm serious. He has no right to give you shit after what he did to you." he said, referencing Edward's extended absence in Italy. Bella frowned, feeling small tremors pass through Jake's hand and understanding that that meant he was getting upset.

"Hey, calm down, Jake. Don't worry, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself." she assured him, gripping his hand tighter, secretly wishing that he would insist on going with her but knowing that that would end badly.

"I mean it, Bella, if you want me to come there, just call, alright?" He said, and she felt his tremors subside as he calmed down. Bella shook her head in response, offering him a small smile as she kissed his knuckles gently, his warm skin hot against her cool lips.

"Thanks, Jake. I'll text you later." She said, releasing his hand and closing the door of her truck quietly. She smiled at him again as she started the engine, but he did not return her smile and she knew that he was still upset. Upset that he had to let her go…back to him.

Bella shook her head slightly, vanquishing the mental images of Jake that floated through her mind as she neared her house. She took a deep breath, steadying herself for what she was going to have to deal with.

As she approached her house she was surprised to not see Edward's car there. Surely he wouldn't have just brushed this off, he had called and texted her countless times throughout the night. Maybe he was just so upset that he didn't want to be around her right now, Bella thought to herself as she got out of her truck and made her way to the front door, fumbling with her keys in the darkness.

"No need to ask where you've been," Bella jumped and gasped at the sound of the voice from behind her. She whipped around, her heart beating out of control as she saw Edward standing there, his jaw clenched tightly, eyes narrowed, "I can smell _him_ all over you."

"Edward, what the hell are you doing? Why are you…where's your car? Why are you waiting outside for me?" Bella asked, still breathing heavy from the scare.

"With all respect, Bella, I think I should get to ask the questions first." He stated simply, but Bella heard the anger he was trying so hard to contain. He was mad, and Bella was not used to being the focus of his anger.

"Well, go ahead then. It's not like I've done anything wrong." Bella could feel the blood rush to her face as she stated this lie, thankful now more than ever that Edward couldn't read her mind.

"What were you doing there, Bella? You were just there yesterday, and you went back today for hours. You didn't even let me know, if something had happened…"

"Edward, I've told you this already, Jake's not going to hurt me. And you agreed that I could hang out with him more often." Bella countered, already getting upset with this conversation. Who was he to tell her when and where she could go? She had every right to visit her friend, she thought to herself.

"I understand that, but you also agreed that you would tell me when you were going there. I don't think you understand how much I worry about you, Bella." He said, the anger was still there, but laced with concern and desperation. "It's my job to protect you, but I can't do that if you run off with a werewolf every chance you get."

She could see his anger flare up again as he spat the word "werewolf", his eyes flashing dangerously. At that moment, Bella was extraordinarily thankful that Jake hadn't accompanied her back home.

"Look, I don't know what you want me to say, Edward. I wanted to talk to Jake about something and we just got caught up doing things with the others. It was kind of a…spontaneous decision to go there, so I didn't think to tell you about it." Bella explained, shrugging her shoulders while trying to keep the guilt buried beneath the thin layer of resentment.

"What did you want to talk to him about?" Edward questioned, searching Bella's eyes for some kind of unspoken explanation. She looked away, swallowing hard.

"Just…I just…" Bella searched her mind frantically for something that would appease Edward's curiosity without being an obvious lie, "My truck was making some weird noises. I just figured I'd take it to Jake instead of making my dad take it to the mechanic or something." Bella knew this was a mediocre excuse, but it was the best she could come up with on the spot. She looked back at Edward, wondering what exactly she'd gotten herself into.

"Why didn't you have Emmett look at it? You know he's just as good as Jake when it comes to those things."

Bella cursed silently to herself, knowing she had overlooked something in her alibi. "I thought Jake would know more about that truck since it used to belong to Billy. I didn't mean to offend you or anything." Bella said, growing tired of Edward's probing questions.

"The only offense being committed here is that lately, you seem to take more pleasure in being around that…that animal, than your own boyfriend." the hostility was present in Edward's voice, but he still retained the cool demeanor that was so characteristic of him.

Bella let out a heavy sigh, shaking her head slightly, "Look, Jake and I are just friends, you're going to have to deal with it. He was there for me when you… He was there for me when I needed him most, and I can't just let that go unappreciated."

"And how is it, exactly, that you're showing him your _appreciation_?" the words tumbled from his mouth before he had the sense to stop them, but Jake's smell on her was too strong, like they hadn't been more than two inches from each other the whole night. But as he looked at Bella's face, he wished he had kept his foolish insecurities to himself.

"I can't believe you, Edward. You can leave. Now." it was spoken not as a request, but as a command. As much as she loved Edward, she wanted nothing more than to be alone right now, distancing herself from what he had just implied.

"Bella, I'm sorry. I don't know why I said that. Please, just try to understand where I'm coming from…" Edward begged, his voice now soft, submissive.

"Just go, Edward." Her voice came out quietly, almost meek despite the torrent of emotions that coursed through her. He hadn't moved from where he stood, so she gave one final command before opening her front door and disappearing into her house.

"Go."

* * *

Bella sat on the floor in her room, her back leaning against her bed, her hands cradling her head as she thought of everything that had transpired that night and in the last few days. She didn't even know how to deal with the reality of her actions, her lies, her thoughts, and she didn't understand why this had to be so hard. She tried to reason with herself, tried to understand her own motivations for everything that she had done that night. It seemed that, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't get her emotions in order. The logical part of her told her to call Edward, to apologize, to assure him that her relationship with Jake was purely platonic and to make said platonic relationship a reality despite her confused feelings for Jake. But her more emotional part told her that that wasn't what she _really_ wanted, that what she really wanted was to give Jake a chance because something about them, together, felt perfect, and even though she loved Edward…she also cared deeply for Jake, a different kind of feeling than she had ever felt before.

Ever since Bella had returned from Italy with Edward, something felt different between them, like everything was more strained, each feeling more troubled. She was sure it was more than just her broken trust with Edward, but to pinpoint exactly _what_ was off in their relationship was causing her great difficulty. Maybe it had been because Jake had filled that void in her when Edward left, he had made her whole again, made her heart melt with each crooked smile and warm touch, he had healed her when she found herself broken, he had become her world. But when Edward returned, that world had to be divided, those feelings had to be redistributed, refigured, and Bella didn't know how, it was like that divided world was warring within her. It had been so easy before Edward had abandoned her. She had resisted so many of Jake's affectionate advances with ease, and then Edward left her, and Jake was there, he made things easy, fun, and she loved him for that. She loved him…but did she _love_ him?

Bella sighed, a sound laden with emotion as she ran her hands through her hair in frustration, an angry tear slipping down her pale cheek. Then she heard someone climb through her window and she froze. She didn't want Edward to come back, hadn't he understood that she wanted to be alone? She held her breath, knowing she was hidden from view by her bed and hoping that just maybe he would think she wasn't here and would leave, and she could resume her frantic thinking. She heard his footsteps getting closer, hesitant, like he knew he shouldn't be there. Bella closed her eyes tightly, willing him to turn around.

"Bella?"

Her eyes snapped open and she turned her quickly toward the sound of the voice, _his_ voice.

"J-Jake? What are you doing here?" She was still shocked, she had not been expecting Jake and much to her chagrin she was pleasantly surprised.

"Why are you on the floor? And why are you crying?" his voice was angry, but it was a soft anger, like he was holding back his rage for someone who wasn't present. Bella was certain she knew who.

"I was just…I like sitting on the floor. And I'm not crying." She stated matter-of-factly, raising herself from her position on the floor and inconspicuously wiping away the single tear that had escaped earlier. She knew Jake had already seen it, but she didn't feel like explaining right now. "You didn't answer my question…what are you doing here?"

"I came to make sure _he_ didn't hurt you. But from the looks of it, I came too late." he hissed the words, his strong hands making fists at his sides. Bella let out a small, ironic laugh as she sat herself on her bed, looking up at Jake.

"He didn't hurt me, Jake. I was just thinking about something else, you caught me at a bad time." she shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, wanting him to remove the worried look that adorned his handsome face.

"Uh huh. Then why is he gone? If you smoothed things over shouldn't he be here with you…making out or something?" Jake grimaced at the words, and Bella understood at that moment just how much it hurt him to think of her with Edward.

"I told him to leave, he made me upset but I took care of it." she assured him.

"What did he do to upset you?" he asked, his jaw clenching as he attempted to remain calm.

"He just…made some implications about…about what you and I had been doing tonight." Bella had debated admitting this to Jake, but she knew he had a right to know, he was involved in this as well.

Jake's body began to tremble, his breathing increasing at an alarmingly fast rate and his eyes narrowed into dangerous slits. Bella stood up quickly, covering the short distance between them and taking Jake's hand in her own, feeling the tremors pass beneath her fingers as she looked in his eyes.

"Jake." She spoke his name gently, soothing him, massaging his hand as she looked up at him, silently pleading with him to breathe, to calm down.

"Who does he think he is…implying something like that about you?" He spoke through his teeth, concentrating his energy on not jumping out the window and hunting Edward down that very minute.

"Jake, please. C'mon, it's not that big of a deal." She moved her hand up his arm, his muscles tensing at her feather-light touch. She brought her hand up to his face, stroking his cheek in a gentle rhythm, searching his eyes for the warmth that she was so used to seeing in them. Finally, he took a deep breath, his shaking body growing still under her calming touch. He looked at her for a moment longer before taking her in his arms, gently, as if not to break her.

"Welcome back." she joked, wrapping her own arms around his neck and breathing in his familiar, earthy scent and smiling.

"Sorry. I mean, I knew he was a jerk but for him to imply something like that…" he explained, smoothing her hair as he placed a ghost of a kiss on the top of her head.

"Yeah, well, I can't really blame him. Things have been kind of…different…between me and him lately. I think it's been stressing him out." Bella didn't understand what part of her was making her defend the blunt insinuation Edward had made earlier, and she was sure Jake didn't understand it either judging by the disgusted look on his face.

"You don't need to stick up for him just 'cause he's your boyfriend, Bella." Jake removed his arms from around her waist, looking down at her seriously.

She shook her head in reply, walking slowly over to her bed and laying down on it, suddenly more tired than she had realized, "I know. I don't really want to talk about it anymore, though."

"Right. Guess I'll get going then." he said shortly, turning and walking toward the window.

"What? Wait…I didn't mean that I didn't want to talk _at all_ anymore." Bella explained hurriedly, sitting up in her bed as she noted the dismal expression on his face and the fact that she suddenly had no desire to be alone anymore.

"So…you want me to stay?" he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Bella nodded, patting the space next to her on the bed, smiling as she saw his expression change in an instant from one of disappointment to surprised joy. He made his way over to her bed, plopping down next to her rather unceremoniously, folding his arms behind his head as he turned to give her his characteristic grin.

"I'm all yours, Bells. What do you wanna talk about?" the happy edge to his voice made Bella laugh as she smiled back at him, the warmth of his body inviting her to come closer, and she did not deny such a coveted invitation. As she curled into him she let her mind jump from topic to topic as they talked aimlessly, enjoying each other's company.

Bella didn't know what time it was when she let sleep claim her, dragging her eyelids down despite her fervent effort to keep them up. But she knew that Jake was there, and she listened as his voice grew heavy with sleep as well, his words becoming jumbled and disjointed. Bella smiled slightly, pressing her head against his chest as his arms encircled her, holding her tightly against him, their legs intertwined, every inch of her warm from his heat. She sighed, listening to the steady beating of his kind heart, his rhythmic breathing, his strong arms her protection, and as she finally allowed sleep to overcome her, a fleeting thought flashed through her mind, a thought too profound to deal with now as her mind was too hazy to understand its significance. She loved him.

* * *

Alrighty, there's chapter 4. Sorry for the longer wait on this one, but I hope it was enjoyable! Please let me know what you think!


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